Posted by: itstails | December 16, 2008

Forget a Crib, Get That Toddler Some Cleats

Let’s say you just had a baby.  Sure, you’re happy and thrilled that you’ve created life, started a family, blah, blah blah…but let’s be honest, what you really want to know is – does my kid have any talents or is he going to end up living in a small, dirty apartment writing an inconsequential blog about random news stories?  Sorry mom!

Well, for you over bearing parents who want to live vicariously through your children – now there is a solution, “Two weeks ago, a company began marketing a $149 saliva swap test for kids, aged 1 to 8, to determine which variant of the gene ACTN3 is in their DNA. According to a 2003 Australian study, ACTN3 was shown to be a marker for two different types of athletic prowess, explosive power or long endurance.”    C’mon Billy, today we are going to get your saliva swap test!  Why mommy, I don’t really want to.  Because, Billy, mommy and daddy have to know whether or not to put you up for adoption!

However, there is always the reminder that, “A person’s genetic makeup can be expressed in many different ways, depending on environmental and situational opportunities. Variables such as motivation, coachability, and opportunity can’t be predicted.”  That’s right parents, just because your child has a high talent level doesn’t mean you can retire just yet – they probably will still be extremely lazy and uncoachable!  Just look at Derrick Coleman!

If you liked this post, you might enjoy More Like Chucky Cheese.

This story is Good News for:

1. Recruiters – If you’re  a college or high school coach, now all you’ve got to do is swab a couple young’ins and you’re all set.

2. Unathletic Kids – Don’t worry unathletic kids, now your parents will know from the time you’re 1 that you shouldn’t be playing tee-ball.

Anyone else it’s Good News for?  Jim voted twice?  Jim never votes twice at home.


  1. […] Forget a Crib, Get That Toddler Some Cleats […]

  2. Oh man, I would have loved to get out of tee-ball! Haha, Great post!

  3. Oh, man I would have loved to get out of tee-ball! Haha, great post!

    • Yes, this way you’ll be able to tell your child will have no athletic ability at birth so you know to give him aikido lessons right from the start.

  4. […] If you liked this post you might enjoy Forget a Crib, Get That Toddler Some Cleats. […]

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