Posted by: itstails | December 16, 2008

A Bird in the Hand…

Look at this building above, my friends.  Do you know what you’re looking at?  Not the specific building, but the general idea?  You, like most people, would probably say you’re looking at a spectacular, beautiful, environmentally friendly, glass building that is the future of architecture.  You would go on and on, do you ever shut up?!, about how green and glass architecture is so good for the planet.  But, my friends, you’d be wrong.  Dead Wrong.

What you are really looking at is a verified bird killing machine as architects have noticed, “glass siding and atriums, common features of green architecture, carry an unintended side-effect: a mortal danger to birds.”  That’s right, not an implied danger or small danger, but a mortal danger.  You think that building was built to house offices or sporting events or whatever goes on onside that random building I pulled from Google Images?  Now we know the truth, that building was built with one intention only: to kill birds.

Now, here’s something you didn’ t know this morning, “about a billion birds die each year by crashing into buildings they cannot see.”  Oh, you stupid birds!  If only Darwin were still alive, he’d be so proud.  But can we really trust this data, who said that quote?  Well, it’s “according to Daniel Klem, an ornithologist at Muhlenberg College in Pennsylvania who has studied bird collisions for more than 30 years.”  30 years?!  He’s studied bird collisions for 30 f$#5ing years?!  He is one masochostic motherf$#5er.  And how much information could really go into studying bird collisions?  I mean, they fly into glass buildings.  That’s it.  That’s all there is to it.

We now have found the greatest catch 22 of all time as the “two properties of glass that make it so appealing – the way it reflects light and allows us to see through it – are the very reason that birds crash into it.”  Dun…Dun…Dun.  What will you do green architects?  What will you do?  Grab your popcorn, fight fans, I see a showdown between environmentalists and animal rights activists.

This story is Good News for:

1. Cats – That’s right stray cats, there’s one billion birds already dead waiting for you to come eat them.

2. My Sister – And everyone else who was freaked out by the movie The Birds and is now scared to death of birds and refuses to go near them.

Anyone else it’s good news for?  Leave it in the comments and I’ll add it to the poll.  Now put your hand on my hip and when I vote, you vote.

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