This article is about everybody’s favorite pasttime, hookers. Here is something I never understood about prostitution. If you pay a girl to have sex with you, that’s completely illegal – yet, if you pay a girl to have sex with you and film it and sell it on video, that’s not illegal, that’s just porn. So, the rule is, you absolutely, positively cannot pay a girl to sleep with you, unless, you know, you film it so we all can enjoy it too. Makes sense.
Now, in hooker news, “A man who tried to suffocate a prostitute told police the woman accidentally put her head inside the plastic bag.” Seems kinda fishy, please elaborate – “He said as he was going to leave he had simply been holding the open plastic bag at her head level, and the woman had turned and accidentally walked into it.” Oh, well then, clearly he was not at fault. It’s as if Lee Harvey Oswalt said, “What? Me Guilty?! No, no, no. I simply shot a bullet at a specific spot on the road. That jerk Kennedy’s head accidentally got in its way. I’m never gonna get that bullet back now!”
But why, pre tell, was that plastic bag being held at her head level? “His plan was to render her unconscious so he could steal back the $100 he had paid for sex just minutes earlier.” Well, maybe if she had a better return policy he wouldn’t have had to resort to this.
His plan, however, was foiled “when she screamed for her boyfriend, who emerged from another room and held (him) down until police arrived.” Interesting, I never knew people actually dated hookers. Dating a prostitute is the only profession where you can get arrested for stopping by her office for a quickie. Well, unless, of course, you film it.
This story is Good News for:
1. Plastic Bag Makers – Not just for storing sandwiches anymore!
2. Defense Lawyers – That’s right, now everything’s an accident. Can you believe those people accidentally got coffee in the store I left that bomb? The nerve!
Anyone else it’s Good News for? Or any more hooker jokes? I know you got it in you.