Posted by: itstails | December 12, 2008

If You Don’t Find This Post Funny, Sorry, You Have Dementia

Here are three statements, only one of which is sarcastic:  1. You’re right, I think Bach is a way better composer than Mozart.  2. You’re right, I do really like being tied up and tickled with a feather. 3. You’re right, I can’t wait until The Wrestler comes out.  Figure it out yet?  Should be pretty obvious it’s #1.  Bach sucks. 

I hope you got it right because “Researchers at the University of New South Wales found that patients under the age of 65 suffering from frontotemporal dementia (FTD), the second most common form of dementia, cannot detect when someone is being sarcastic.”  So, this explains why my 7th grade teacher hated me.  It’s not that my sarcasm wasn’t hilarious, it was that she was suffering from frontotemporal dementia.  I should have known!  Of course I’m hilarious!

The article goes on to say, “‘People with FTD become very gullible and they often part with large amounts of money,’ he said, adding that one in 4000 people around the world are afflicted with the condition.”  Are they trying to help these people or point out what easy targets they are?  Hey, everybody – excuse me, everybody gather round, researchers from The University of New South Wales have an announcement to make – the floor is yours researchers.  “Thanks, we’ve got some important news from our latest research – people with a condition called FTD are extremely gullible.  They are so, so gullible.  We cannot stress enough how gullible these people are.  They’ll fall for almost anything (wink, wink) and often part with humongous amounts of their hard earned savings.  That doesn’t entice you to find one to take advantage of?  Did we mention it affects 1 out of every 4000 people?  That’s right, you probably know or have access to 2 or 3 people who suffer from this.  What are you doing still sitting here?!”

Patients with FTD also, “don’t pick up on social cues, they lack empathy, they make bad judgements”.  Oh, sorry, for a second there I thought I stumbled on an article about Plaxico Burress and Antonio Pierce.

To see if the FTD patients could pick up on sarcasm they did a test where “actors would deliver the lines sincerely, in others they would introduce a thick layer of sarcasm. Patients were then asked if they got the joke.”  The example the story uses is, “For example, if a couple were discussing a weekend away and the wife suggested bringing her mother, the husband might say: ‘Well, that’s great, you know how much I like your mother, that will really make it a great weekend.'”  The patients were unable to detect the sarcasm.  However, when the actor said, “Well, that’s great, you know how much I like your Jewish mother, that will really make it a great weekend,” every patient thought it was sarcastic no matter how it was delivered.,27574,24790152-29277,00.html

This story is Good News for:

1. The Elderly – Now when you want to stop being bothered by your husband or wife all you have to do is stop recognizing sarcasm and, bam, they’ll take you away to a happy place.

2. Shitty Actors – Can’t cut it as a real actor?  Start a troupe that only does shows for people with dementia.  It won’t matter how you deliver your lines, it’s all the same to them.

3. Thief’s – A whole new set of marks has arisen.  And they’re gullible!  Extremely, extremely gullible!

Don’t be shy.  We know you’re reading this.  Add anyone this is Good News for to the poll or leave one in the comments.

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