Posted by: itstails | December 10, 2008

First You Get the Sugar…

Here I was, thinking that I sometimes drank soda and ate candy because I enjoyed them, when it turns out that SUGAR IS OBSCENELY ADDICTING.  AHHH.  Just look at the people in the above photo, those addicts, hoarding all of that sugar to feed their mounting addictions.

According to a new study by a Princeton University scientist, “(sugar) can be an addictive substance, wielding its power over the brains of lab animals in a manner similar to many drugs of abuse.”  Some particularly tasty insights are, “The rats drank more alcohol than normal after their sugar supply was cut off, showing that the bingeing behavior had forged changes in brain function. These functions served as “gateways” to other paths of destructive behavior, such as increased alcohol intake.”  And also, “rats eating large amounts of sugar when hungry, a phenomenon he describes as sugar-bingeing, undergo neurochemical changes in the brain that appear to mimic those produced by substances of abuse, including cocaine, morphine and nicotine”

Oh, sugar, I always knew you were too good to be true.  And now you’ve gone over to the dark side.  It looks like we could be heading towards the day where telling an officer, “No, no, it’s not cocaine, it’s just sugar!” will no longer be viable.  I’m assuming sugar will be added to the No Fly list any day now.

This story is Good News for:

1. Marijuana, because it looks like it might be getting off the hook as the “gateway” drug.

2. Drug Addicts, because it is gets harder and harder to find drugs on the street, but they will be able to find sugar anywhere. 

3. Fat People, because before nobody felt bad for them when they stuffed their faces with candy, but now, as they reach for another bag of candy, instead of getting dirty looks, they will now get sympathetic looks of, “It’s ok, I understand, you’re addicted to that sweet, sweet sugar.


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